Five Lessons from My Mother: A Playbook of How to Live Life Fully
In the quiet aftermath of my mother’s recent passing, I find myself in a strange limbo. I keep expecting my phone to ring and to see her name in the caller ID, and to find a letter from her when I get my mail. Yet I know neither will ever happen again. At 95, she lived a life so vibrant that her absence feels more like a temporary journey than a final farewell. As I navigate this new untethered reality of having no living parents, I’ve been reflecting on the lessons Mom taught me just by being her daughter and accompanying her throughout much of her life. She was remarkable. I selected a handful of my favorite things that I feel compelled to share — perhaps selfishly — about Mom and how she lived her life. I feel fortunate that bits of her unique and enchanted journey have rubbed off on me.
- Embrace Life with a Smile
My mother’s warm smile was always welcoming. Her positive attitude lit up rooms; people were drawn to her like moths to a candle because she saw them and acknowledged them — and made them feel special. She embodied the art of seeing the glass half full and taught me to always see the upside of things. You would never know when first meeting her that she was lucky to even be alive after nearly starving to death and living in constant fear of being captured during the Nazi occupation of The Netherlands in World War II. She was the same age as Anne Frank and lived a similar life in hiding during the final years of the war. Shortly thereafter she immigrated to the United States, which she still thinks is the greatest country in the world. Through all this hardship she continually found a silver lining. - Nurture Curiosity and Lifelong Learning
She was a gifted artist in various media — pottery, calligraphy, painting, photography, gardening, and later in life — storytelling. From pottery classes at Pewabic Pottery to pursuing an Advanced Degree in Calligraphy at the College of Creative Studies in her 50s, Mom never stopped learning. While her first degree was in Occupational Therapy, she showed me that age is no barrier to new adventures in knowledge. Her courage to embrace challenges at any stage of life remains an inspiration, urging me to keep an open mind and keep learning new things. - Find Joy in the Everyday
Before mindfulness became a buzzword, Mom was its living embodiment. She taught me to notice simple pleasures: the peony about to bloom, the crunch and flavor of a chocolate-covered almond, and the satisfaction of a perfectly cooked soft-boiled egg. These moments of awareness and appreciation were momentary pauses that enabled her to find joy in everyday life even as she grew older, and her world grew smaller. Waking up everyday with the knowledge that a new discovery awaits is a great way to live. - Cultivate Deep Connections
Our bond, by my birth and through our shared experiences and quiet moments together, was a testament to her belief in the power of relationships. From our Love Boat and Fantasy Island Saturday night TV dates when I was a child to traveling together, exploring art exhibits, and visiting exquisite gardens in later years, she showed me that true connection comes from shared experiences and genuine interest in being with others. And she put in the effort to maintain relationships with many friends in a variety of networks. I have learned to do the same. Nevertheless, I had no idea of the breadth or impact of her relationships until stories were being shared during the celebration of her life. And I thought I knew all Mom’s friends! - Live with a Spirit of Adventure
Mom approached life with an open heart and an eager mind. Her love for planning parties and trips was never ending. It wasn’t just about the events themselves — it was about the joy of anticipation and the thrill of new experiences. She taught me to embrace the unknown with enthusiasm and courage. And she was determined to keep active even after breaking bones and having a heart valve replaced. She took almost daily walks in the park near her house until a few days before she died. My son and I calculated that she likely visited that park more than 5,000 times in the 70 years that she lived there. I bet no other resident comes close to earning that VIP award!
Reflecting on these lessons Mom taught me, I’m reminded of Kahlil Gibran’s words: “For life and death are one, even as the river and sea are one.” Mom embodied this truth, embracing life fully while accepting its finite nature without fear or regret. Her legacy lives on not just in my cherished memories, but in the way she taught me and my siblings (and many others) to live — with curiosity, kindness, and positivity. Though no longer physically present, her spirit now guides and inspires us.
With Mom’s passing I have become acutely aware that my scarcest resource is the remaining time that I have in this world, and I want to make the most of it. In honoring her memory, I’ll strive to smile more, learn eagerly, love deeply, appreciate profoundly, connect genuinely, pause regularly, and explore boldly. Today I planted 200 Marieke daffodils. I look forward to next spring when they bloom and Mom will be spreading her joy all over our garden.
Mom, your 95 years were a masterclass in living. Your love, wisdom, and vibrant spirit will forever inspire me to value life’s beauty, face challenges courageously, and never stop learning. Your legacy will flourish in all who knew you — an excellent playbook and a testament to a life beautifully lived.
